Love Languages for Military Couples | Episode 016

Episode 016 show notes

For those who maybe haven’t heard, Dr. Gary Chapman wrote a follow-up book in 2017 called The 5 Love Languages, Military Edition. In this book, Dr. Chapman has teamed up with Jocelyn Green, a former military wife, to speak directly to military couples and military spouses. She’s an award-winning author of multiple nonfiction and fiction books, including Faith Deployed: Daily Encouragement for Military Wives and the Heroines Behind the Lines Civil War series.

In this episode, OCF managing editor Karen Fliedner chats with Jocelyn Green about Finding Your Love Language…at the intersection of faith, family, and profession.

Conversation outline

• [1:58] Jocelyn shares more about herself, including time as an editor at a nonprofit and being a new military wife—and recognizing a need for a devotional book for military marriage couples.
• [3:57] More about her first book and the start of her book-writing career.
• [5:37] How Jocelyn got connected with Gary Chapman for a military edition of The 5 Love Languages.
• [6:45] An overview of the love languages and the military angle of those love languages.
• [7:31] The trickiest part of the love languages within military society is when distance is involved.
• [9:01] How to find out your love language and why it’s so important for couples.
• [9:38] Pay attention to what your spouse may be complaining about—that’s often a sign of an unmet love language.
• [10:30] Jocelyn shares a personal story of the importance of knowing your spouse’s love language—specifically, when her husband was deployed.
• [12:19] A deeper discussion of “Words of Affirmation.”
• [15:15] How does a couple do “Quality Time” when distance is an issue? Jocelyn shares an experience since that is her love language.
• [17:16] Some practical examples of doing “Quality Time” when a spouse is deployed.
• [18:49] “Physical Touch” as a love language during deployments obviously is a tricky one, but Jocelyn shares some ideas on how it can be done.
• [20:38] A deeper discussion on “Receiving Gifts.” How to plan and carry out this love language.
• [22:48] A story of why you must be sure that you know your spouse’s love language before you act on it.
• [23:57] Regardless of the love language, you must be intentional and sincere.
• [26:39] Jocelyn shares a personal story about the fifth love language, “Acts of Service.”
• [29:11] Love languages also can have variations, or “dialects.” Jocelyn shares another example—this one involves a murder mystery dinner theater.
• [32:30] The importance of clearly communicating your love language needs.
• [33:38] The pitfalls of either not communicating love languages or abusing the needs of a love language.
• [35:56] Intentionality in your relationships and communication is key before and during a deployment.
• [38:11] Develop a plan for deployments—a support system is key (see episode 013 for developing a support system).
• [41:35] How to deal with some of the unseen stresses of reintegrations.
• [44:00] The importance of easing back into life at home upon reintegration. Don’t make any major decisions for at least 6 months.
• [45:55] Keeping the “love tank” full: “How can I best show you that I love you?”

[49:26] Recommended resources:

• The 5 Love Languages: Military Edition
• Faith Deployed: Daily Encouragement for Military Wives
• Faith Deployed…Again
• Stories of Faith and Courage
• The 5 Love Languages website
• Military Edition webpage with video and downloads
• Jocelyn’s personal website

In Closing

If you have a topic or guest you’d like us to consider on a future episode of Crosspoint, send an email to me at [email protected].

Until next time, be encouraged by these words from Proverbs 3:3-4, “Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. Then you will win favor and a good name in the sight of God and man.”